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False Memory Syndrome Facts Website
LOVE: FACT OR FICTION?
by B. J. Aslan
Usage Note: This document may be copied under limited conditions. These limits include: it may not be copied or distributed for profit. It may not be distributed in part or in altered form, but must be distributed in whole, including this Usage Note. B.J. Aslan retains all other rights.
Marcia trembles as she speaks of her daughter's sudden change. At first her daughter was nice, bright, well-adjusted, and then seemingly overnight her daughter began to make claims of love for a young man that Marcia and her husband Max have never even met. Marcia and Max know the love cannot be true, but some other people believe the daughter. Experts are divided on these sorts of allegations, but one thing is for sure: Max and Marcia are not alone.
A terrible epidemic is sweeping the country. Some people, especially women, are making claims that they love other people. But other people who know them best, their fathers that is, are flatly denying that their daughters claims are right. Who is telling the truth? This charged situation has spawned a national controversy and an organization of victims of claims of love: the False Love Syndrome Foundation (FLSF).
Many false love cases begin with claims of love for family members. As time passes the claims of love become more and more bizarre, including claims of love for people outside the family, for groups of people, for teeny tiny babies, and even claims of love of animals. Some people go so far as to claim to love mystical beings (God, Buddha, etc.).
Once someone begins to believe in love, she may surround herself with others sharing a similar illusion, and spend less and less time with those who raise questions about the veracity of her love. "It's cult-like" said one FLSF mother.
Often the illusions of love are implanted by unwitting, over-zealous, untrained, or even unethical folks on dates. For instance, some people implant love by lavishing flowers, wine, chocolate, and even sweet nothings.
Claims of love can wreck havoc in otherwise happy family. Relationships that were once stable may be destroyed. An eminent psychologist who serves on the advisory board to the False Love Syndrome Foundation has defined False Love Syndrome as "a condition in which a person's identity and interpersonal relationships are centered around a claim of love which is objectively false but in which the person strongly believes."
The Syndrome produces both primary and secondary victims. Primary victims believe they love when really their love is not real. This devastating syndrome is "like a personality disorder" according to FLSF publications. The secondary victims are the parents of the primary victims. They suffer much more and that is why they have formed a foundation.
Are some claims of love possibly true? In rare circumstances maybe so. The director of the FLSF foundation points out that: "Some claims of love are true. Some are false. Some are a combination of true and false." Yet in all likelihood true claims of love are very rare. In contrast, False Love Syndrome is so common and blatant that Foundation advisors (sometimes even newspaper reporters) can diagnose it simply by talking with the secondary victims (that is the parents), and do not even need to meet the person suffering FLS.
All sides of this bitter controversy agree on one thing: true, authentic cases of love are a terrible problem. The FLSF, and the many fine and respected scientists that serve on its board, argue that in bringing a rational skepticism to claims of love they are helping those poor people who really do love someone. The false claims of love will destroy the credibility of the few authentic, real, bona fide, love sufferers.
Surveys have shown that the majority of people who make claims of love have seen the movie Love Story. Love Story is a highly suggestive movie that contains the statement: "Love means never having to say you are sorry."
Women are especially likely to claim to fall in love, talk about love, and read about love. The bookstores are stacked with Harlequin romances, which are pop handbooks on love. These handbooks, like the movie, implant feelings of love.
Most claims of love seem to be a product of a hysterical society. The advisors to the False Love Syndrome Foundation point out that a review of over sixty years of research failed to turn up a single controlled laboratory experiment to support the concept of real love. Foundation critics point out that many experimental results are consistent with real love, even if alternative mechanisms for the behavior, such as "ordinary attachment," cannot be ruled out. But Foundation advisors scoff at such arguments.
While real love has no scientific support -- that is no controlled, randomized, experiments have produced real love -- false love has recently been demonstrated in the laboratory. By repeatedly suggesting to younger brothers of laboratory assistants that they love popcorn, false love for popcorn has been implanted in the laboratory. Some people even come to believe that they have always loved popcorn.
Will Max and Marcia ever knock some sense into their daughter who is suffering false love syndrome? Time will only tell. Marcia explains that recently their daughter has been returning to her the articles about false popcorn without even reading them. "She has really lost her mind!" laments Marcia.
If you or a loved one has been victimized by a false claim of love, call the Foundation at 1-800-BAD-LOVE.
Copyright, B.J. Aslan, 1996
Usage Note: This document may be copied under limited conditions. These limits include: it may not be copied or distributed for profit. It may not be distributed in part or in altered form, but must be distributed in whole, including this Usage Note. B.J. Aslan retains all other rights.