Usage Note: This document may be copied under limited conditions.
These limits include: it may not be copied or distributed for profit.
It may not be distributed in part or in altered form, but must be
distributed in whole, including this Usage Note. B.J. Aslan retains
all other rights.
Marcia trembles as she speaks of her daughter's sudden change. At first
her daughter was nice, bright, well-adjusted, and then seemingly overnight
her daughter began to make claims of love for a young man that Marcia and
her husband Max have never even met. Marcia and Max know the love cannot
be true, but some other people believe the daughter. Experts are divided
on these sorts of allegations, but one thing is for sure: Max and Marcia
are not alone.
A terrible epidemic is sweeping the country. Some people, especially
women, are making claims that they love other people. But other people who
know them best, their fathers that is, are flatly denying that their
daughters claims are right. Who is telling the truth? This charged
situation has spawned a national controversy and an organization of victims
of claims of love: the False Love Syndrome Foundation (FLSF).
Many false love cases begin with claims of love for family members. As
time passes the claims of love become more and more bizarre, including
claims of love for people outside the family, for groups of people, for
teeny tiny babies, and even claims of love of animals. Some people go so
far as to claim to love mystical beings (God, Buddha, etc.).
Once someone begins to believe in love, she may surround herself with
others sharing a similar illusion, and spend less and less time with those
who raise questions about the veracity of her love. "It's cult-like" said
one FLSF mother.
Often the illusions of love are implanted by unwitting, over-zealous,
untrained, or even unethical folks on dates. For instance, some people
implant love by lavishing flowers, wine, chocolate, and even sweet
nothings.
Claims of love can wreck havoc in otherwise happy family. Relationships
that were once stable may be destroyed. An eminent psychologist who serves
on the advisory board to the False Love Syndrome Foundation has defined
False Love Syndrome as "a condition in which a person's identity and
interpersonal relationships are centered around a claim of love which is
objectively false but in which the person strongly believes."
The Syndrome produces both primary and secondary victims. Primary victims
believe they love when really their love is not real. This devastating
syndrome is "like a personality disorder" according to FLSF publications.
The secondary victims are the parents of the primary victims. They suffer
much more and that is why they have formed a foundation.
Are some claims of love possibly true? In rare circumstances maybe so. The
director of the FLSF foundation points out that: "Some claims of love are
true. Some are false. Some are a combination of true and false." Yet in
all likelihood true claims of love are very rare. In contrast, False Love
Syndrome is so common and blatant that Foundation advisors (sometimes even
newspaper reporters) can diagnose it simply by talking with the secondary
victims (that is the parents), and do not even need to meet the person
suffering FLS.
All sides of this bitter controversy agree on one thing: true, authentic
cases of love are a terrible problem. The FLSF, and the many fine and
respected scientists that serve on its board, argue that in bringing a
rational skepticism to claims of love they are helping those poor people
who really do love someone. The false claims of love will destroy the
credibility of the few authentic, real, bona fide, love sufferers.
Surveys have shown that the majority of people who make claims of love have
seen the movie Love Story. Love Story is a highly suggestive movie that
contains the statement: "Love means never having to say you are sorry."
Women are especially likely to claim to fall in love, talk about love, and
read about love. The bookstores are stacked with Harlequin romances, which
are pop handbooks on love. These handbooks, like the movie, implant
feelings of love.
Most claims of love seem to be a product of a hysterical society. The
advisors to the False Love Syndrome Foundation point out that a review of
over sixty years of research failed to turn up a single controlled
laboratory experiment to support the concept of real love. Foundation
critics point out that many experimental results are consistent with real
love, even if alternative mechanisms for the behavior, such as "ordinary
attachment," cannot be ruled out. But Foundation advisors scoff at such
arguments.
While real love has no scientific support -- that is no controlled,
randomized, experiments have produced real love -- false love has recently
been demonstrated in the laboratory. By repeatedly suggesting to younger
brothers of laboratory assistants that they love popcorn, false love for
popcorn has been implanted in the laboratory. Some people even come to
believe that they have always loved popcorn.
Will Max and Marcia ever knock some sense into their daughter who is
suffering false love syndrome? Time will only tell. Marcia explains that
recently their daughter has been returning to her the articles about false
popcorn without even reading them. "She has really lost her mind!" laments
Marcia.
If you or a loved one has been victimized by a false claim of love, call
the Foundation at 1-800-BAD-LOVE.
Copyright, B.J. Aslan, 1996
Usage Note: This document may be copied under limited conditions.
These limits include: it may not be copied or distributed for profit.
It may not be distributed in part or in altered form, but must be
distributed in whole, including this Usage Note. B.J. Aslan retains
all other rights.
To link to this document:
<A HREF="http://fmsf.com/falselove.shtml">Love: Fact or Fiction?</a> by B. J. Aslan.<p>
Clinical Practice Considerations with 'False Memory Syndrome'